How would you sit on a toilet for the first time, if you’ve never seen one in your life?
Would you think its something to wash your feet in, take a drink out of, throw some fish into…
Well today, I had first hand experience with one of the local nationals here. I nearly cried from laughter (ya I’m an asshole), sitting on a chair to catch my breath after what I saw. My patient came out dragging his IV pole repeating, “tashnab, tashnab.” (bathroom) Usually these guys have blown up legs or gun shot wounds that keep them bedridden, so they either have foleys or use urinals. But this guy healed up nicely and was able to ambulate around the ward. I guess his bladder was going to explode, so I led him to the bathroom. And then it happened. He straddles the toilet like mounting a horse and has both hands up on the water reservoir in the arrest position. Mind you, the toilets here are straight up ghetto. No toilet seats, stank, pretty much a hoola hoop with gravity drainage. I don’t even want to think about the backsplash he got. lol
I will never take for granted the porcelain throne for the rest of my life.
It’s been in month in Afghanistan, 5 more to go………
In a deployed environment, know who you can joke around with. Everybody has a gun.
So if you know me, then you know I love to joke around. Laughing is just a habit, but sometimes I can say things without it first registering on the big screen in my head. The story goes a little like this….. A group of us guys were talking out by the front desk about the girls here. I came up with a rating system that describes how “pretty” a girl is. The categories are divided into types of watercrafts; you have yachts, sailboats, tugboats, and submarines. Jokingly, I blurted out that 99% of the Army girls were submarines. I was hoping to get a few laughs out of everyone, but everyone looked at me with a blank stare. I paused, took a few seconds to figure things out, and then the “oh shit” phrase was quietly mouthed from my lips. I completely forgot that there was an Army girl right behind me guarding our enemy patient. Luckily, I was told that she had her iPod in throughout the conversation, yet I still walk around constantly checking my back for vindictive Army girls.
I’ve come to realize that I took many simple things for granted back home in the states. The first occurrence happens each morning when I wake up from my twin size bunk bed. You know that split second as soon as you wake up, and you feel like your bladder is gonna explode? Well I took for granted how close my bathroom was at home. Here I need to sprint sideways all the way down the hall to finally piss. Foleys never seemed so golden. Another thing I’ve missed is having a cell phone, or even a phone period. Who the hell communicates by walking 1/8 of a mile through rocks and dust just to look at a schedule. Alexander Graham Bell must be looking down on me shaking his head. And the main thing I took for granted, is how alcohol really makes a party. The med group Christmas party was lame, a New Year’s toast with carbonated grape juice is a no no, and my first techno night (glow sticks included) could have really benefited from some Jager bombs. Ahhh the luxuries of America.
So I’m chilling in a James Bond movie; barbed wire, concrete blocks, seeing your breath in the air, military everywhere, and a PP7 on the ground lol. The past few days I have been traveling around the globe, and now we’re just waiting for our flight. Nothing too exciting, today I just picked up my gear and now have the rest of the day off. Yesterday was pretty much the same. I set up my bed in this huge Ringling Brothers tent. Hundreds of bunk beds, but nothing like what the Tsicken crew had in Europe. haha. Sleeping was out of the question. So cold, I was curled up in the fetal position most of the night. Then a Disney line full of Marines came through the middle of the night. I just laid in bed listening to all the guns clicking, curse saturated conversations, and movement of everyone trying to get settled in. Can’t wait to get in my own little section of a room and put up my Victoria Secret pics. haha. But I guess thats it for now. payyce
The Real Deal Holyfield
There are so many thoughts going through my head, as I sit here with my legs stretched in the emergency row. I imagine my brain looking like a multi colored silly string fight, that I can’t even sit still while I’m typing this. Hopefully my battery doesn’t die out. I even dimmed the screen to conserve some solitaire battery time.
But the main thing I’ve been thinking about is what am I really going to do with my life. I always told myself, that I would do this nursing thing just to pass some time and wait till I feel passionate about something. I literally feel like Forrest Gump, sitting on a bench waiting for something to do, conversing with the people I meet on the way.
Sometimes I feel lost, alone, bored, restless, blah, blah, blah. It might just be that I’m starting to get a little stressed with this deployment thing coming up soooon. Too much paperwork to finish, packing to complete, and loose ends to tie up. How weird is it to write to your family just in case this is my last pit stop. My eyes did water up a little, hopefully nobody next to me saw that. But I have to admit that I do have some cool things to give away. I know it will be a great experience for me, but I still feel like when I get back I’ll be in the exact same spot. Although I will be collecting a lot of $$$ when I pass “go” this time around.
So what will it be. Go back to school, try to move to Italy, play the lotto for the rest of my life. I can’t be partying forever. The first set of my group of friends, in my age bracket just tied the knot this past weekend. Congrats to Jap and Jennelle! But now the question is who’s next? And this is no regular pick up game, I guess now it actually sank in that I probably need to start moving on with my life. I hate it when all the moms at the wedding have a secret meeting conspiring to hook everyone up. Good thing I was drunk when I went through my interrogation. haha. So I guess my question is …. Where can I meet all the sugar mamas?
Plane rides. They really hurt my brain.
